Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's always time for handjobs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
