Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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