I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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