so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
