Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
