Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
