I just saw a hot homeless man
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
