my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
