They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
