You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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