He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
