ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
