just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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