if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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