So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
