I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
