Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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