I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Say something about gay babies.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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