His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
