i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
