I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
