I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have aggressive nipples.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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