i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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