I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
