he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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