omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
