Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
