I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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