she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
