I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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