Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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