My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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