I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
