It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
