I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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