I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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