its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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