he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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