trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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