I wanna bring you to show and tell
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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