My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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