but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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