I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
