I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
