I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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