Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
