Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
