dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dear god my vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
