I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
