Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
