You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
