Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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