So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
